Dear J.T. & Dale: I was terminated from my previous job as a store manager. I had my brother call my previous employer to see what they’d say about me. It isn’t what they said, but how they said it: “He was terminated for performance,” and then with a snotty attitude, “No, he isn’t eligible for rehire.” What can I do? I was not terminated for performance but because my supervisor wanted me involved in unscrupulous dealings and I refused. Got any advice? — Jack

J.T.: Your former employer seems to be following standard HR protocol for reference checks. Unfortunately, there is no recourse for the tone of voice they use to say it.

Dale: But “terminated for performance”? Yeah, right — failing to perform an unethical act. That’s galling. So, Jack, you might send an e-mail asking them to only verify dates of employment, period. They should agree, just to keep you from “outing” their questionable behavior.

J.T.: Meanwhile, as you apply for jobs and go on interviews, you must be prepared to answer the question, “Why did you leave your last employer?” You must be honest and sincere without sounding overly negative. I would suggest something like this:

“Unfortunately, it was agreed that I’d leave my last job because I wouldn’t perform some duties I felt were unethical. (You’ll need to give an example here.) I should be honest and tell you that they were quite upset that I would not do these things and thus I doubt they’ll give me a glowing recommendation.” From there, offer a nice list of peer or former manager recommendations that you can encourage them to call.

Dale: There’s that old rule of “never badmouth a former employer,” but sometimes it works to break it. I remember being on one job interview with a consulting firm, and the president of the firm asked me what I disliked about my old firm. I decided to be honest, and admitted that I felt uneasy about gifts and “consulting fees” paid to the company’s clients. He laughed and said, “That won’t be a problem here — we don’t even send out Christmas cards.” That created a bond of “goodmouthing,” with us complimenting one another’s high standards. Telling your story will only ensure that your new employer has ethics to match your own.