Dear J.T. & Dale: One of my co-workers has a habit of humming. She sings in a choir at church, but to be quite honest, she doesn’t hum well. It’s very distracting. Any advice on a pleasant way of telling her to keep her humming under wraps? — Justin
J.T.: That would drive me nuts, too. I worked with a woman who talked to herself under her breath. I misinterpreted it as her muttering about me. One day it got me so wound up that I asked her to tell me what I’d done wrong. She was genuinely surprised and said, “Nothing.” After I explained how I felt, she apologized, saying she’d had the habit for a long time and it was hard to break. We worked out a compromise: I tried to ignore the occasional talking under her breath, but on days when it got too distracting, I would jokingly say, “Who you talking to over there, Anne?” We’d both smile, and she would do her best to stop for the day.
Dale: Nicely done. However, this situation might be trickier, because the hummers I’ve known consider themselves a blessing to the world. By objecting, you come across as the office version of the cranky old neighbor yelling at the kids to get off his lawn.
J.T.: That’s why Justin needs to keep it upbeat, explaining that while he admires her being in a choir, her humming is distracting him from his work. He could offer a pleasant way to let her know when it’s becoming a problem, perhaps something like saying, “Name that tune!” Something that would make them both smile.
Dale: That puts Justin in the position of being a smiley-guy nag. And I wonder if he really has tried everything to not let it affect him. I used to hate it when I’d hear a cricket in the house, but then someone told me that in Latin America, crickets are considered good luck. Chirping stopped being annoying. I wonder, Justin, if you could persuade yourself to be happy for your co-worker. If not, perhaps you could change desks, or get a “white noise” player.
J.T.: Because I understand what you’re feeling, Justin, I can picture you rolling your eyes at those suggestions. I say it’s worth talking to your co-worker. Just keep yourself focused on your respect for her, and make it clear that you value the working relationship.
Dale: I agree that if you’re going to talk to her, the worst possible moment is when you are having a bad day and her humming makes you snap and you approach her angrily. Do it on a good day, in a good mood, and the odds of a good outcome improve. However, I’m betting that she probably can’t stop humming any more than a cricket can give up chirping.
J.T.: I’ll take that bet. Let us know who wins, Justin.
