Dear J.T. & Dale: I work for a family-owned business. There has been a problem lately with my boss’s wife trying to tell everyone what to do when it is not her place to do so. Should I say something to my boss, or just keep my mouth shut and start looking for other employment? — Sarah

J.T.: I’d consider approaching your boss only if two conditions are met: one, that she clearly lets her husband take the lead, at least around the office; and two, that you feel certain he wouldn’t want to lose employees because of his wife. If those are true, then I’d approach the issue gently, saying, “I was hoping you could give me some direction on how to work better with your wife.” You must make it clear that her involvement is hurting the business and not just your feelings. Even so, the odds are against you. In my experience, it usually is better to just keep quiet. If the wife finds out you have approached her husband about her behavior, she could make life miserable for you.

Dale: Here’s a simple rule for working with husband-and-wife teams: Treat them as if they are two halves of the same person — just assume anything you say will be heard by the other. And, by the way, let me back up and take exception to your premise, Sarah, that it was “not her place” to act as boss. In an emotional sense, and even a legal one, it IS if the company is also hers. So, instead of resenting her involvement, turn it to your advantage. Here is a great opportunity to practice your diplomatic skills. (For background, try reading a biography of Nancy Reagan.) And remember, your boss’s wife undoubtedly feels the resentments of the staff — if you’re the one to reach out and treat her as co-boss, you can create an alliance with her that will help you and the company.