Dear J.T. & Dale: I can’t let go of what my former employer did to me. I was let go unfairly, and I’m so angry that I can’t move forward. I feel like the only way I’m going to feel better is if I get my old job back and get an apology from them — but that’s not going to happen. — Kathleen
J.T.: I completely understand … it’s hard to let go. When I work with people in similar situations, many come to discover that their anger is fear — fear of the fact that someone can have control over them. By feeling the fear/anger, you are allowing that control to continue. I realize what I’m going to suggest is easier said than done, but when people opt to take back their careers and move on, they are able to find a new, better work situation where they don’t feel threatened.
Dale: That’s nice, but … hey, Kathleen, it’s tough-love time. Don’t relabel your feelings as “fear” or “loss of control”; call it what it is — righteous anger — and grab hold of it and put it to use. You know they aren’t going to apologize, and no amount of feeling hurt is going to cause them to take you back. The hell with them. The only way they’re going to want you back is when you’re doing brilliant work elsewhere and they realize what idiots they were. That’s when they’ll say they want you back, and that’s when you give them the bitter laugh and say, “Not a chance — I’ve never been happier.”
April 15th, 2009 at 6:12 am
J.T. & Dale
This is a great post. Many people are far too “surprised” when they get the news that they are no longer employed. There are several issues here that must be addressed if people in this situation don’t want to be surprised again. First, they need to improve communications with their boss about their performance so they always know exactly where they stand. Second, they need to improve their self awareness. I have coached hundreds of people through this situation and have not seen a case where there were not signs that things were not going well. Third, they need to rid themselves of the notion that their employer owes them anything other than a paycheck for their honest days work and certainly not any apologies.
I am so happy that I found your blog and look forward to staying tuned.
Best wishes!
Joe Lavelle
Author, Act As If It Were Impossible to Fail
Follow me on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/ActAsIfSite
August 31st, 2009 at 8:49 pm
[...] » Blog Archive » Can’t Get Over the Fact I Lost My Job http://www.jtanddale.com/?p=298 – view page – cached Dear J.T. & Dale: I can’t let go of what my former employer did to me. I was let go unfairly, and I’m so angry that I can’t move forward. I feel like the only way I’m going to feel better is if I get my old job back and get an apology from them — but that’s not going to happen. — Kathleen — From the page [...]
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