Dear J.T. & Dale: After 12 years of taking care of my own work, the bosses decided that I needed a leader. In all those years, I never had any problems — now I am yelled at and written up on a daily basis. Can you give me some words of wisdom? — Amanda

J.T.: It sounds like there is an agenda in place, one that involves getting your work to a new level, or else having you move along. The fact that your new manager is writing you up means he’s getting your HR file in order in the event he wants to fire you for performance. So I’d suggest that you start actively looking for a new job. I would also, however, see if you can set up a meeting with your new manager and discuss his expectations and ways you can meet them. Seek his advice and try to befriend him.

Dale: Seeking his advice is befriending him. In fact, research shows a stunning level of correlation between the frequency of employees’ requests for feedback and managers’ evaluations of effectiveness. Said another way, the more you seek out your bosses’ advice, the higher their opinion of you. And I suspect, Amanda, that you’re doing just the opposite — that you are actively avoiding him, resenting his appointment. And even though I’m sure you think you’ve masked it, that resentment shows. You asked for wisdom, and here’s some: THEY ALWAYS KNOW. Assume that people know what you’re thinking. If you want him to be a better leader, you start by being a better follower. If you make it clear that you are aligning yourself with his goals for the department, you may see a transformation in his attitude.

J.T.: That should work, unless he simply is a jerk, or even a jerk with an agenda — setting you up so he can bring in his own person. That means while you’re testing our wisdom, also be testing the waters for another job, just in case.